A LITTLE BLACK BOOK

January 18, 2009

A big thank you has to go to Kathy for her effort to save pictures and letters that might otherwise have been lost after Mother died. Barbara has contributed to this work as well and has been instrumental in working with Kathy in copying family pictures now in the possession of Dad’s second wife Lucille which she graciously allowed them to have access to one summer when Barb was visiting. Because of all this ’saving’ and Kathy’s generous nature I now have in my possession a small black notebook that belonged to my mother which is full of thoughts, poetry, outlines for talks as well as one or two prepared talks which she would carry with her on her many church assignments. (Among other things she served as a counselor in the Northern States Mission Primary Presidency in the early 60’s.) This cunning little book is five inches by seven with rings that can be opened to add fresh paper if desired. It’s small size allowed her to carry it in her purse which meant that she had ready access to it at all times. While I remember seeing it when I was still at home I don’t recall ever being interested enough to actually peruse it’s contents. To tell the truth I don’t know that I would have been allowed to if I had wanted as Mother was an extremely private person in many ways.

Looking at this little book more closely and catching a glimpse of what she found most important among its pages I find myself wondering who now is left to tell her story–of the good food she turned out meal after meal having eaten at her table? Her baked goods were legendary in the community and eagerly looked forward to by those who made it a point of supporting the small Keosauqua Branch of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when they held their frequent bake sales which were to be a major means of raising their share of the money required to build a chapel on the outskirts of town; no small feat for a group that consisted of seven families none of whom had any loose change laying around to cover the expense of this project. She used to laughingly say that the money was raised cinnamon roll by cinnamon roll when talking about the work required to make a meeting place of their own possible. It breaks my heart to hear that the building is for sale, sitting empty as members in the area now meet in Fairfield, Iowa in a beautiful building built and completely paid for by the church which is how they do things now.

Who remembers the pride she took in having earned a degree from Arizona State in Home Economics along with a teaching certificate? Who has heard her tell the story of how she and her fellow classmates prepared a meal for their teachers and the dean of the college to show off the skills they had learned. How eagerly they worked to show that they had earned the title home economist which to their dismay dissolved into complete disaster when the beautiful apple pie that was prepared for dessert caused a reaction, but not the one they hoped for as forks were raised to mouths and the bite immediately spit out. Some how or the other salt had been used for sugar in the filling which made the pie inedible. Who remembers the beautiful dresses that she used to make for her daughters? The love that went into the planning, buying material, finding time to sew a dress that when finished would win a blue ribbon for quality every time. Who remembers her love of crafts and how she used her skills to beautify her home. Who remembers that she turned out many crochet projects with an attention to detail that is the mark of a master craftsman. Who remembers the large garden she cared for on the farm and the hours she spent canning and freezing so that our cupboards were never bare even though our wallets were often flat. Who remembers that she loved classical music? That she didn’t much care to listen to the radio?

I’m older now and things I used to have little interest in, such as family history, have moved up a notch or two on my list of things I care to spend my time on. I am beginning to realize that it doesn’t take much time at all before the memory of those who came before us in the preceding generation are gone as those who knew and loved them grow old themselves and disappear from life’s stage. There are so few people alive, other than my sisters and I, who remember her as a living breathing woman with hopes and dreams unique to her and she has only been gone since 1965. One of the poems I found carefully clipped and pasted onto the page in this little black book goes like this.

TO MY GRANDCHILDREN

Maude Hatch Benedict

When I am gone, will eager children look
Within the pages of this timeworn book,
Their questing eyes find nothing here to show
Fulfilled ambition, finished task; will they know
Pride—that I left footprints here below?

Will all the little tasks of love be lost
Forever, as a fluff of thistledown–
No heartache, tears, frustration’s cost,
Nor valor shown, when I am gone–
No thing of me to spur them on?

Or will they say of me, “she still belongs,
Her life was made of sunshine and of songs,
Where she walked some radiant memory
Of charm, of wit, of kindliness in giving,
The paths she trod made surer by her living!”

Will they smile, a wee bit wistfully,
While thumbing through this dog-eared old scrapbook
And for a moment will they pause to listen
For my heartbeat in its pages; will they look
Further, wishing to know more of me,
And close the book—a tear left to my memory!

January 11, 09

Oh the travails that can beset the unwary as they traverse this veil of tears. Elizabeth Browning succinctly phrased it, “let me count the ways”. Which being interpreted means never a dull moment in our RH(retirement home) and if you believe that I have a bridge to sell you as most days pass with about as much excitement as watching paint dry but there are a few moments interspersed here and there that keep us from getting too comfortable in our customary ’somnolent posture’.

In the ongoing saga of difficulties currently in the process of being overcome I must now add failing appliances. You know, of course, that I am going to tell you about this even if your desire to know rates somewhere between “please don’t” and “good grief, spare me” but, “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” so please feel free to depart now “or forever hold your peace”. When I wrote that last bit it brought back the memory of daughter number 5, who must have been about 4 or 5 at the time, playing with her Barbie and Ken dolls saying earnestly to them, “ I now pronounce you legally and awfully married” which has precisely nothing to do with anything but it always makes me smile and perhaps it will you as well.

It is hard to believe that we have been here in our RH for almost fourteen years. I loved Wisconsin, still do for that matter, and hated to leave what the people of that state call “God’s country”. However, I have been around the block enough times to know that even the most barren of landscapes can be called beautiful by those who live there—look at how the Arabs love their desert and the people of Nevada their’s although I personally find both of them about as devoid of beauty as it is possible to be but perhaps I need this ‘diversity’ to help me know what I really like, and it isn’t either of those two places although it does tickle my funny bone when I hear the state motto, “keep Nevada green . . . . bring money”.

We moved into a brand new home in 1995 and I guess I hoped that it would stay that way. Unfortunately, it hasn’t and I continue to gain a greater appreciation for the truth told MGH by his dad, “the purchase price is only the beginning” which I have discovered is true for most things including relationships. Soon after arriving our washer and dryer both bit the dust and we were forced, reluctantly—does this ever happen when there is any money to spare? to buy replacements. Of course they didn’t have the grace to expire together together which meant they didn’t match as if that has anything to do with anything unless one has hopes of having one’s house look like those portrayed in “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”. The kindest thing that can be said about my decorating style is that it is ‘early attic’ which lo these many years later could easily have the ‘early’ removed and still be quite accurate. The official name for this style is ‘Shabby Chic`’ and honest to goodness there are actually people with money who purchase worn out things to achieve this look. Not we of lesser means however so I couldn’t help but appreciate when a friend of mine in TGSOW(the great state of Wisconsin) turned her nose up at the idea exclaiming with great feeling, “I’ve lived with that kind of stuff my whole life and when I can afford to buy something I’m going to buy new!” Never the less I won’t complain about what we haven’t had as we have been able to ‘clear the housekeeping’ which equates to high success for we of the great unwashed. What a blessing it has been to have a roof over our heads, clean beds and plenty of food on our table as we raised our big family.

So, anyway, there I was standing in the appliance section of our local Home Depot store asking the salesman why my washer and dryer had failed after only 13 years of use. His comment was quite insightful. “You can’t make much of a living selling anything that doesn’t wear out quickly. I’ve been in this business over thirty years and I can remember when the old Maytag washers lasted that long, but not anymore.” So then I asked him what the life expectancy of a washer was now and he told me 5 or six years. Good grief Charlie Brown—at that rate with the price one has to pay we might soon find ourselves wishing for a wringer washer and some wash tubs like our mother’s used and counted them a great improvement over a scrub board and wringing clothes out by hand.

My question for you then is this. If we were really interested in going ‘green’ wouldn’t it make sense to build things that lasted? Our landfills wouldn’t fill up nearly as fast with the result being that our finite resources would last much longer because we wouldn’t keep having to make the same things over and over. Granted it might be a little hard on salesmen but just think what good might come to society if the creativity they use to ’sell’ could be put to work creating new products. Well, I admit I haven’t thought this through completely but our newly elected President to be has promised he will create thousands of jobs and I am sure something will open up after all this nation is definitely ready for ‘hope’ and ‘change’ although I am not quite sure just what that means but after watching the financial sector collapse I’m hoping that the change being referred to means that I will have some left in my pocket. I won’t need much, I mean, who needs to work if the gova’mint is going to take care of us?

Where Have All The Children Gone?

January 5, 2009

I remember once, when we were living in Wisconsin, a mother of eight children saying rather wryly to me as we were gathering things together after attending our Sunday meetings. “I can never find a child when I need one”, which in this particular case involved needing extra arms to cart belongings out to their car and only 30 seconds before they had been swarming around her. Alas, for all mothers of the world this is unfortunately a TRUTH proven to be so since the beginning of time when Mother Eve needed more firewood with nary a child around to gather it for her. If you had been ‘a fly on the wall’ in my home a few days ago you would have heard me mutter that phrase more than once as I attempted to set up MGH’s new computer.

Okay, I’ll admit it, I am barely computer literate. What I have learned I have learned by trial and error which has led son # 5 to say with great feeling on more than one occasion “If you don’t know what you are doing don’t do it”. Of course, if I believed that I would never have had children. So there I was with all the parts deboxed and not a clue as to what to do next other than son #6’s advice to match the end of a cord from one piece of equipment to the space it fit on the other. (I was saving ’till last the bit about, “If all else fails, read the instructions”.) Son #6’s advice works if one doesn’t need bifocals, which I do (just wait until you need bifocals to see, if you don’t already, to fully appreciate what I am saying here.) and are required to crouch in a space behind a computer table in a space just big enough to hold a two year old, which I am not by any stretch of the imagination, while surrounded by cords and tangles that simply boggle the imagination and kept coming unplugged as I stepped over one set and wiggled my way past others in order to reach my goal.

The problem, of course, was that the computer table was pushed up against the wall so it had to be moved out far enough to allow me to maneuver behind which sounded simple enough until I realized that if I came out more than six inches on one end the printer would fall off so that meant I could only open a V shaped space to work in with the part I needed to fit into being closest to the wall and by the way—did I mention it was dark back there? (MGH has a little high intensity light given to him by the extension staff in Onawa when he left to get his masters’ degree in 1966. It is one of his treasures and as such he has carefully protected it from the nefarious uses his large family wished to subject it to much the same way I protect my sewing scissors by promising instant death to anyone caught touching them.) Having explained about the light I must confess that I have found it quite useful in the past because of its small size and goose neck that can be twisted to put strong light exactly where it is needed as I attempt to see what I am doing when facing the nether regions of a computer. It was just my luck that after 40 some odd years ‘old faithful’ started to fail just when I really needed it. It’s light would either not come on or it would flicker which was not a sign of good health. I have already admitted being in over my head on this project but to not be able see was really discouraging. But being determined to get the job done and having already put it off for three weeks I persevered. After checking all the usual things I determined that the trouble was where the cord attached to the base of the light as I could see bare wires when I looked closely. Upon making this discovery and not wishing to be electrocuted I heaved myself up once more from the nest of wires in which I found myself and retrieved the large yellow flashlight from the garage.

An hour later I was happy with the progress I had made having gotten everything hooked up except for one wire that I had absolutely no idea where it went but I suspected it had something to do with our phone/internet connection because we seemed to have neither. This required me to continue to make like a contortionist for another 45 minutes as I tried one possibility after another with the various unattached/unaccounted cords I had to work with but I assumed must have something to do with solving my problem since they came with the computer. And yes, dear reader, I DID IT! MGH now has a fully functional computer on which to play Free Cell, Spider and his favorite game of all, Hearts. (My personal favorite is Free Cell probably because I can’t figure out how to play anything else.) He can also see e-mailed videos which his old computer seemed to have an aversion to playing in their entirety which is about as satisfying as watching a movie preview knowing you’ll never be able to see the whole thing. The scientific name for this is video interuptus. He still writes his stories and essays when he is feeling especially energetic which is good as he is an absolute treasure with enough stories in his memory bank to assure him a place in the National Historic Registry of Memories of Past Times, if there were such an organization.

Little did I know that there was to be another crisis involving the new computer, other than my having failed to retrieve all the information from the old computer before I shut it down. The Word program in Vista is different than the one he is used to working with which he discovered when he went to fit the P__________ B_______ he had just transcribed onto the hard copy form that is sent to the person who has received the blessing. After many attempts we were finally successful in getting a copy that fit everything into the right places so we know it can be done. The question is—can we do it again without either of us losing our religion over this task which we came close to doing with the first attempt.

MGH doesn’t like the new keyboard and so I will attempt to exchange it for a different one left over from one of our now defunct previous computers which we hope will be easier for him to use as another TRUTH is that old fingers often find small surfaces hard to use. This means the table will have to come out from the wall once more and I will again have to make out like a contortionist which my 68 year old body cringes at the thought of particularly since my knees have decided that they don’t like to bend as God intended them to and they once did. I’m planning to do this as soon as my body has forgotten, much as in childbirth, what was inflicted on it, which means this could happen at least within the year or sooner if I can find a ‘child’ to do it for me–which ever comes first. . . . or maybe I’ll just get him a laptop.