What’s Life Without Challenges?

July 9, 2009

As usual, in Sacrament Meeting today we had talks given by a young couple who are new to our ward. That’s one thing about living in a ward with a high turnover, we always have a never ending supply of speakers for meetings. Not that I miss the mind numbing terror that strikes when I stand in front of a group to speak, as I don’t, but still it is unusual to go for so many years without the responsibility/blessing that comes with speaking before our church congregation. Because many of our new move ins are couples with small children it is interesting to watch how they handle the challenge presented when speaking which leaves one parent to wrestle with their offspring while the other one is expounding on a gospel principle. As an interested observer of human nature I can tell you that the parent who is speaking immediately becomes the parent of choice in the eyes of their offspring as their toddlers look with glee at the prospect, should they achieve their goal, of reaching for the microphone/waving to all and sundry in the congregation or running amok in the choir seats until they are retrieved. This scenario usually only happens during Fast and Testimony meeting but occasionally does occur when a family is assigned to talk. Mostly, though some kind member will come to the aid of the beleaguered parent and quietly step in to help.

Never the less, the presence of small children, of which our ward has it’s ‘quiver’ full, makes for never a dull moment during our meetings. Today was no exception as one young rascal escaped twice from his Mom making it all the way up the steps to the podium before his heavily pregnant mother could catch up to him, and man, was he quick which made me glad he wasn’t mine to chase as even in my younger days my kids could usually out run me and that was before today’s chapels which are surrounded on all sides by classrooms and offices which meant it required only a straight run to capture the little ‘bugger’. Now, if they get a head start it requires a minimum of two to nab the escapee—one to hold place and snag him/her if they are successful in eluding the pursuing parent and reach ‘GO’ collect their two hundred dollars and start the whole thing over again.

As number 5 daughter put it at the start of her teaching career, “they didn’t teach me anything useful in my classroom management classes” which could also be said about parenting which is perhaps is a good thing because if one was fully aware of just what was going to happen when one became a parent one might never have become one, as much that one picks up from their own childhood is of little value in the trenches of ones own home. The challenge of dealing with children in church, who are naturally wiggly and very uninterested in what is being said from the podium, is one, I suspect that all parents have had to deal with since the beginning of time as the process that leads from barbarism to civilized behavior is often rocky and fraught with challenges which is why most kids at sometime or the other hear the following phrase from an exasperated parent, “Just wait ’till you have children” which is the greatest threat a parent can utter to a misbehaving child although they will not know this until many years have passed.

The problem of keeping one’s offspring ‘quiet’ in meetings is often exacerbated for their mothers by the fact that the dad’s of many are sitting ‘on high’ as they serve in responsible positions within their church unit which leaves the moms to cope with their offspring. I personally found it easier to sit towards the back of the chapel as a rapid departure was much easier to accomplish and far less disruptive to the decorum expected in a church meeting. However, that was me and I can appreciate mother’s who position their offspring as close to their dad’s as it is possible to achieve by sitting in the first or second row up front where the children can be seen by their father which lends a great deal of credence to the threat, “just wait until your dad gets home” as all parties concerned know their behavior has been witnessed by the one best suited to dishing out the punishment that fits the crime.

The most embarrassing thing I ever confronted, and there were many, believe me, took place in the Masonic Hall in Sun Prairie, WI which is where we met before our chapel was built in 1976. The meeting was progressing along its usual course when all of a sudden from the back of the room a paper air plane sailed over the heads of the gathered congregants landing gracefully on the floor just in front of the portable speaker’s stand. I remember thinking to myself, “What on earth, where did that thing come from”. Then realizing, to my horror that the movement I had caught out of the corner of my eye just seconds before was that of # 4 son who, becoming bored with the whole business at hand, had folded his ward bulletin into a paper airplane and then let ‘fly’ with the obvious intention of seeing how far it would go. Jeesh. I still cringe when I think about it. You wanna’ know something else? Mother’s do not have eyes in the back of their heads and furthermore the ones in the front don’t always ’see’ either. But ‘ya know what. That airplane was a real credit to MGH whose unique design it was and who had passed this knowledge to his offspring. . . .

This is a totally different topic but we had the neatest thing happen this week when my sister Kathy and her husband Gary stopped by for a quick visit while on their way to visit family in California—long story as to why. (One of the good things about living next to the major east west highway I-15 is that it allows easy access to Cedar City. Of course the downside is that even though we are several miles off the interstate we can still hear the constant roar that comes from passing cars and trucks. Not that I really notice during the day but at night in the summer time when it would be nice to have windows thrown open to catch the cool outside air and relieve our dependence on air conditioning and therefore the drain on our wallets it is a nuisance . Note to self: Good point out weighs bad point, stop whining.) What a joy it was to have them spend a few hours with us. To hear their stories, and trust me on this one, they are master story tellers. To catch up on what is happening with their family and vice versus. Believe me when I say that there is nothing dearer to the heart of a parent than to recount what their offspring are doing. All too soon their time was up and they were on their way once more leaving us replete with the satisfaction that comes from being in good company. How dear family is. What a delight it is to be reunited with them if only for a little while. How good it is to know that there is eternity as well where hopefully we will have more time to spend on ‘keeping up’ than we do now.

Hurrah for the 4th of July

July 5, 2009

Today was fast and testimony Sunday at church. Our dear sister Maza who is 94 years old made her careful way to the stand with Brother Brooks who is in the Bishopric rising to go to her aid when she reached the steps that lead up to the podium. What a sweet testimony she bears of her love of our Savior and the truthfulness of the Gospel plan. She has become a beloved member of our ward since her arrival here three years ago when she came to live with her daughter Jean after the death of her husband Ben. She told us, “I don’t know why I am still here. I miss my Ben so much. We were married for 65 years. There is so little I can do now but I believe that I am here because Jean needs me to be with her”. She then briefly explained that her daughter has struggled since she was a young girl with various life threatening illnesses. Then with a twinkle in her eye she told us that she takes a walk every day. Five blocks up and five blocks back. “Do you know what is the best part?” she asked us. “When I open the door and step through I can feel Ben’s presence. He is there with me as I walk and I love it.” The frailer her body becomes the more her sweet spirit shines through. What a beautiful example she is to us all.

******************************

We had a very quiet day as we celebrated the birth of our nation yesterday. It’s not that there weren’t plenty of activities to take part in, its just that for us it is now easier to stay in our house where the air is cool than it is to be in place for the parade which begins at 9:30. Time moves more slowly for we old’uns. Nope, I’ll take that back. Time moves at precisely the same speed it always has. We are the ones who no longer react to it in the same way. But even so I still can’t help wondering how we got to July so quickly. Makes me think of John F. Kennedy who died at the young age of 46 of whom it was said, “Johnny, we hardly knew ye” which is precisely how I am feeling about the year 2009. It’s fled so fast I feel as though I’ve hardly had a chance to know/live it even though I have been here every day, and here it is half gone.

I can’t help but envy my niece Helen whose entry on her facebook site states that she is watching the Stadium of Fire fireworks from the top of the Y with her 11 year old son. An earlier posting states that climb was a little harder this year than she remembered it from last year. Which makes the point for me that, as the poet Robert Herrick says, “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may. . .” Or as the scriptures say, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” Ecclesiastes 3:1 I’ve been thinking about this today as I realize that for MGH and therefore for me our days of waiting alongside a curb for the parade to come by are in our past. We’ve been there done that many times over and yet I think about the times we did with wistfulness even if those parades weren’t much more than a decorated lawn mower or two with the tail end being brought up by children with red white and blue crepe paper wound over and around the spokes of their bicycles.

Even so it meant a lot to me just to be there with the rest of the community as we watched “Old Glory” pass by carried with measured steps by fresh faced young men in the uniform of our armed forces. What a privilege to rise and stand with hand over heart as they passed. To reflect, if only for a few moments, on just what that flag stands for. To watch the veterans of former years march by proudly wearing the uniform of the country they loved enough to fight for her freedoms—each year growing just a little older and more frail, but there anyway in support of the day set aside to honor our country and its birth. To end the day with friends and family gathered to watch the fireworks and slap away mosquitoes.

I like seeing the American flag fly in front of our house, put there by the Boy Scouts of our ward who, for a small yearly fee, see that it is in place each holiday. They and their leaders are up early to set the flags in place and if I am quick enough, which I wasn’t this year, I can watch from my window as they ride in the back of a pick up with the rolled up flags beside them as they follow the colored circles that mark the spot in the curb where a hole has been drilled in which to place the flag pole. (In case you are wondering, which you probably aren’t, each year has a different color so they know who is entitled to this boon on any given year.) The flags are usually up from sunrise to sunset but this year they went down early as we were doused with rain showers off and on throughout the day. Of course, as soon as the flags went down the clouds went away, but that’s life. (I’m still trying to figure out if there was a message here but, if there is one it is a principle MGH has followed his whole life and that is never let the weather stop you from doing what you had planned. I, however, am of the ‘fair’ weather persuasion which for the life of me I can’t tell if I was born that way or acquired this trait as I got older. All I know is that if attendance at an activity were up to me and I perceived the weather as not being cooperative I would shrug my shoulders at the lost event and find something else to do.)

We didn’t even try to grill outside preferring instead to have our ‘picnic’ in the house with MGH enjoying his microwaved hot dog served on a tray (a cookie sheet which has been drafted for this purpose) along with corn on the cob as well as the other accoutrement’s that accompany this traditional meal. With his feet up in the air as he sits in his recliner (if he doesn’t spend most of his time with his feet up they swell and become painful) he makes the best of his much reduced physical capacity. Sigh. As for me, I enjoyed the smell of barbecuing that drifted across our neighborhood as I watered my plants in the late afternoon. A poor substitute, I know, for the real thing but still I was glad that others could still do so. Sherman and crew fled the heat and came up to our cooler air and invited us to come spend the day with them which we appreciated but regretfully declined. (Do you remember how Anna in the musical the “The King and I” sings,

When I think of Tom.
I think about a night.
When the earth smelled of summer
And the sky was streaked with white,
And the soft mist of England
Was sleeping on a hill-
I remember this,
And I always will…

There are new lovers now
On the same silent hill,
Looking on the same blue sea,
And I know Tom and I are a part of them all,
And they’re all a part of Tom an me.

Hello young lovers, whoever you are,
I hope your troubles are few.
All my good wishes go with you tonight,
I’ve been in love like you.

*Be brave, young lovers, and follow your star,
Be brave and faithful and true,
Cling very close to each other tonight-
I’ve been in love like you.

I know how it feels to have wings on your heels,
And to fly down the street in a trance.
You fly down a street on the chance that you meet,
And you meet-not really by chance.
Don’t cry young lovers, whatever you do,
Don’t cry because I’m alone;
All of my memories are happy tonight,
I’ve had a love of my own,
I’ve had a love of my own, like yours-
I’ve had a love of my own.

Life has been good to MGH and me ‘all of our memories are happy tonight. . .’ At this point neither of us knows how much longer we will remain here, only that the time grows less with each passing day. But what adventures we have had along the way and what joy it brings to think of our family, ever expanding and growing. If excitement has left our lives it is replaced with contentment and we wish all well but that isn’t to say we still wouldn’t enjoy doing a few more things if we could and who knows, perhaps we yet will!

Tragedy

June 28, 2009

The following is a series of e-mails from a week ago. What a heart wrenching decision to give primary physical custody of Kendra and Jordan to their father. I have no answers – only questions.

From: Joy ____

Sent: Sunday, June 21, 2009 9:08 PM

To: R______ G. P_____
Subject: Court Hearing on Weds.
 
Dear Richard, 
Hello.  I just wanted to check and make sure that court was still happening on Weds.  Is there a time we need to be at the courthouse or your office?  We are moving this upcoming Friday, and really can’t afford another delay with the hearing.  In addition, Mike starts classes on campus in Mass on July 6th, so we are basically out of time.  I’m concerned that the date will get pushed back again, and we will be gone causing us to lose time with Jordan and Kendra as well as possibly making it easier for Justin to win.
 
Also, will we be doing any trial prep for Weds?  I am done with work, so anytime is good for us.
 
Thank-you very much.
 
Sincerely, 

Joy Y___

—- Forwarded Message —-
From: R______ G. P______
To: Joy Y___

Sent: Monday, June 22, 2009 3:19:26 PM
Subject: RE: Court Hearing on Weds.

Joy: 

I FINALLY received the report from Dr. K____ today and he is suggesting the children remain in New Orleans with you and Michael taking the summer and bulk of the holidays, but then he addresses that if the Justin moves to Japan, that the children move with you to Massachusetts. 

Do you want me to email this to you, or I can fax it. 

The court is all messed up right now, we are on the docket for hearing, BUT Judge B____ has placed two trials at the same time and they had to shut the building down for electrical problems.  My law partner is supposed to be in court tomorrow in Judge B______ Court, so I will have more answers then. 
Would you and Mike be available to meet tomorrow evening?

My response to Joy was:
 
This is absolutely devastating news.  What a nightmare it must be for you.  I don’t know why the decision is going down this way but I have followed enough divorce cases to know that children don’t always go with the right parent. 

You are a survivor.  You will make it through.  I am not saying it will be easy by any means but it’s going to be okay.  Trust me on this one.
 
Love, Mom

What are families for if not to lend their strength and support to one another so I sent the following:

Dear family,

Joy needs your love/prayers/calls/letters right now.  She is losing custody of her children.  This news has absolutely devastated her. 
Love, mom

Marie replied:

Mom,

    How can that possibly be? What is the reason they give?
    I will do all I can.

Love, Marie

My response to her query:

The reason seems to be that Jordan relates better to his dad.  Joy will have the children for 8 weeks in the summer and split holidays.  It was a consent agreement rather than court ordered which Joy tells me means that if something needs to be changed it will be easier to accomplish .  She also has to pay child support as well as transportation costs if the children are to come see her.  Lousy, I agree.

How is your summer going?

 Love, Mom

The final chapter has yet to be written. Please pray for them all including her ‘ex’ as he now has the opportunity to show what he is really made of. As #2 son put it, “divorce is hell for everyone involved”.
 
 
 

What Do You Do For Fun Grandma?

June 14, 2009

My grandson Franklin while visiting here with his mom and dad last week, finding himself very bored with nothing to do in his Grandparent’s retirement home looked at me and asked, quite earnestly, “What do you do for fun?” This rather took me aback and not having thought about this particular subject for a great number of years I hemmed and hawed before answering, “I go shopping, read, crochet, prepare meals, wash dishes, talk to grandpa, pull weeds, water in the summer, among other things, not necessarily in that order—no, wait a minute, I take that back watering does not at all belong in the ‘fun’ category. (Once when MGH was watching his dad give himself an insulin shot he asked, “How can you stand to do that day after day?” His father replied, “I know if I don’t, I’ll die.” That’s also the case for watering my plants. If I fail to do so, they die and please don’t ask me how I know this.)

Giving me a rather disgusted look he repeated his question, this time more forcefully as if I hadn’t understood him the first time. “No, Grandma, I mean, what do you do for fun?”

Alas, I had no answer that would satisfy a 9 year old. Thinking about it, I don’t know that Grandpa and I do anything that would qualify in a child’s eyes as ‘fun’. We have reached that point in our lives where we are content to do the simple things finding a great deal of pleasure in just waking up in the morning knowing that we survived the night with its grim routine of multiple trips to the bathroom and sleep that doesn’t come as it once did. (You know you’ve gotten older when you eye the route you take to the bathroom before you go to bed to make sure there are no obstacles in the way to bump into or trip over which isn’t as easy as it sounds. Please keep in mind that if a painted line can cause difficulties to one’s perambulations in the daytime imagine what terrors await in the dark of night. On the other hand, cancel that thought—sufficient unto the night is the evil thereof.)

It was so good to have family here for a few days. When they are, our home comes alive with the sound of laughter and voices. Tom fixed us one of his good meals making the best of the curve ball I threw him by pulling out of the freezer what I thought were pork chops but turned out to be boneless spare ribs. I know, I know—when all else fails ‘read’ the directions, or label, as the case maybe. Tom didn’t let this little detail faze him in the least, but then I don’t think much does. He just went ahead and fixed the ribs like they were chops and we all enjoyed a tasty meal including real mashed potatoes with brown gravy made from pan drippings. Yum. I might add that Tom has a large fan club of family and friends who enjoy his skill as a chef. I know I am among those who do and yes Franklin, it is ‘fun’ for me to have someone else do the cooking once in awhile—(at my age I have to take my ‘fun’ where I find it which is usually a lot cheaper than a trip to a theme park not that I ever considered theme parks all that much ‘fun’ as I could never quite see the attraction of paying the exorbitant price to get ‘in’ just to stand in line for an hour to ride someones diabolical idea of ‘fun’ which translated means one will be lucky to hang onto the high priced meal they consumed earlier, MGH has this theory that anything sold when behind a fence, think ball games and movies here, will cost you a minimum of twice what you would pay if not so confined), while hoping the whiplash they just experienced on the latest ride from hell won’t prove life altering. I get all the ‘fun’ of that type just driving through rush hour traffic in a big city.

No visit with Tom could ever end without a political discussion of some kind which, (and in this he is no different than any of our children who like to tweak their parents beliefs by challenging them with their own opinions which, by the way, they did not learn from us), while interesting to observe as Tom is a compassionate liberal, who resembles our Brooks in his enjoyment as well as skill at playing devil’s advocate), with MGH a compassionate conservative never produces a clear victor. Me thinks it was put quite succinctly by Rudyard Kipling in his Barrack-room ballads, 1892: “Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.” I, however, have been able to extrapolate this truth from watching them go at it. Ahem, are you ready? I hope so as great truths are not all that easy to come by and when one happens upon one, one needs to grab hold of it before it disappears back into the ether from whence it came. Those who grow up in large families (Tom 12, MGH 13) raise their voices when trying to make a point so that as a discussion of an ardently held opinion progresses the volume also rises. Don’t get me wrong here as this is definitely a good thing for we who are aging and losing our hearing as we are never in doubt as to what is being said. It also lets those who have gone into hiding know when to come out as the lower volume signals the return of laughter and other topics of more more importance in the Grand Scheme of Things such as how much fun it is to be a grandparent.

Highlights of the visit were: A trip to Cedar Breaks with Grandpa who enjoys this retreat into mountain coolness and beauty. It takes him back to his boyhood days when a trip up the canyon brought relief from a hot summer day in the Salt Lake Valley where he grew up. He told me later that Tom, who did the driving, handled the narrow curvy road in a very capable way, which is high praise, indeed from MGH who does not suffer fools gladly when it comes to driving said roads. A morning spent helping Grandma plant flowers with Franklin devising a slide complete with small rocks patiently gathered to make a place for the water to run over as it scurries its way down hill when Grandma waters. Tom trimmed the Spirea bush in front of the house which it desperately needed and both the shrub and I thank him for his thoughtfulness as the chances of my getting around to it before Winter were little to none. Sylvia brings her own sunshine where ever she goes as she cleaned up dishes and helped fix meals along with providing a listening ear to all who needed this balm which she so generously offers. Franklin and his mom played a piano duet “A Child’s Prayer” which is favorite of mine from the Primary song book. What a thrill it was to listen to the progress Franklin is making in learning to play the piano. Kudo’s to both Mother and Son for sticking to this often challenging process. A movie for Franklin to see “Up” which we all hoped would meet his definition of ‘fun’ but didn’t. A mini Reunion with the far southern branch of the family in St. George where we enjoyed a delicious meal and were able to catch up on what has been happening since last we met.

All too soon the precious time we had together was over as we watched them back their car out of our drive way and turn toward their home in far away Wisconsin. Our prayers went with them for “a fair wind and a following sea” not just for the journey home but for their lives as well.

And Franklin to answer your question, the thing I like best to do for ‘fun’ is to be with family.